## Divorce mediation in New York **Mediation** is a structured negotiation where a neutral third party (the mediator) helps spouses work out the terms of their divorce — without going to trial. Most cases that go to mediation settle, often in 1-3 sessions. ### New York mediation rules Mandatory mediation in many counties before contested hearings. ## Why mediation works - **Cheaper than litigation** — typical mediation: $1,500-$5,000 split between spouses; contested divorce: $20,000-$100,000+ each - **Faster** — 1-3 mediation sessions vs 6-18 months of litigation - **Private** — closed sessions; no public courtroom - **Less adversarial** — preserves co-parenting relationships - **Spouse-controlled** — you decide outcomes, not a judge - **Higher compliance** — agreements you negotiated yourself stick better than court orders - **Better for kids** — reduces high-conflict litigation exposure ## What mediation covers **Property division:** - Real estate (house, vacation property) - Vehicles, bank accounts, investment accounts - Retirement accounts (401(k), IRA, pension) - Business interests - Personal property (furniture, jewelry, art, collectibles) - Debt division (mortgages, credit cards, loans) **Spousal support / alimony:** - Whether to pay - How much - Duration - Modification triggers **Child-related issues:** - Legal custody (decision-making) - Physical custody / parenting time - Holidays, vacations, special occasions - Communication between parents - Child support amount and modification - Tax dependency claims - Health insurance and unreimbursed medical - Educational expenses - College planning ## What mediation can't fix - **Domestic violence cases** — mediation can be inappropriate; many states exclude DV cases from mandatory mediation - **Severe power imbalance** — financial control, mental-health issues affecting capacity - **Hidden assets** — mediation requires good-faith disclosure - **Refusal to negotiate** — when one party is dug in, mediation can't bridge - **Substance abuse** — may need treatment first ## How mediation works **1. Selecting a mediator:** - Family-law attorney (most common) — knows the law and the courts - Therapist / mental-health professional — particularly for high-conflict custody - Retired judge — for complex cases - Many states have state-approved family-mediator credentials **2. Pre-mediation:** - Each spouse gathers financial documents - Many spouses use individual attorneys for advice + mediator for negotiation - Confidentiality agreement signed - Mediator may meet briefly with each party first **3. Mediation sessions:** - Usually 2-3 hours each - Mediator runs structured discussion - Joint sessions, sometimes shuttle (mediator moves between rooms) - Most issues resolve in 1-3 sessions for collaborative cases **4. Memorandum of Understanding (MOU):** - Written summary of agreed terms - Each party reviews with their own attorney - Converted to formal Marital Settlement Agreement - Filed with court for approval / incorporation into divorce decree ## Mediation vs collaborative divorce vs litigation **Mediation:** - Neutral third-party mediator - Spouses may have separate attorneys but they don't attend sessions - Mediator can't give legal advice - Fast and cheap **Collaborative divorce:** - Each spouse has a collaboratively-trained attorney - Attorneys + spouses meet for negotiations - Pledge not to litigate (if process fails, attorneys must withdraw) - Often involves financial neutral, mental-health professional, child specialist - Middle ground in cost and time **Traditional litigation:** - Each spouse has attorney - Court hearings, motions, discovery - Eventually trial if not settled - Most expensive and slow option ## Should you have your own attorney during mediation? Strongly recommended: - Mediator can't give either party legal advice - Independent attorney explains your rights, reviews proposals, advises on local outcomes - Attorney reviews MOU before you sign - Some states require attorney sign-off for enforceability Many people use a coach attorney throughout — meeting between sessions to plan and advise. ## Confidentiality Most state mediation statutes protect: - **Mediator's notes** — non-discoverable - **Settlement offers made in mediation** — inadmissible in court if mediation fails - **Mediator can't be called to testify** Exceptions: child-abuse disclosures, criminal threats, fraud disclosures. ## What you should do If you're divorcing in New York: explore mediation FIRST. Even contested cases benefit from mediation. Most New York family-law mediators offer initial consultations. Many family-law attorneys also serve as mediators or refer clients to mediators they trust. The cost difference between mediation and full litigation is enormous — and most cases are mediation-eligible even when emotions run high. --- *This guide is general information about New York law as of early 2026 and is not legal advice. Mediation procedures vary by jurisdiction and case type. Talk to a licensed New York family-law attorney about your specific situation.*